The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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