I think I am morally bankrupt
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
