Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
