covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
