i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
