She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
