I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We need to get me chipped asap
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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