i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Randomize
