You just made me feel so damn special
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
