So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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