i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
