I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
