I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
