I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
