He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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