Well apparently he's into motor boating.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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