If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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