Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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