Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just want nice things and good sex
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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