mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
