Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
