I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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