dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
