just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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