He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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