She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
