girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
