I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
