we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
