small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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