that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
you had me at cake vodka
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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