I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
