ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
