If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
