from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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