I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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