K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
