we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
