I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
