just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
