I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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