my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I have post one night stand depression
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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