I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
