I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
