There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She bit a glass in half.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
