Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
