When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
