I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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