Betty ford says i'm here all night
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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