I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
