Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Drunk walkin through police station. America
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
my liver is dry heaving
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
