he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
