Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you will always have a special place in my vag
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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