I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
