like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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