...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
