I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I still have a little drunk in my system
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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