she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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