Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
