I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
